The Last Stand Review

Mindless Mayhem Brought to You by General Motors

 

 

 

 

TITLE: The Last Stand

DIRECTOR: Kim Jee-Woon

STARS: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Forest Whitaker,

               Johnny Knoxville, Peter Stormare

PUBLISHER: Lionsgate

RATING: R

GENRE: Action

 

 

     Back in the day Action packed films centering around hi-octane fueled car chases were common place in Hollywood but over the years have become increasingly scarce on the silver screen. The same can also be said for blockbusters featuring everyone's favorite Austrian Arnold Schwarzenegger as the leading role. Both have their reasons for these turning of events however because on one side, practical stunts got replaced by the cheaper oversaturation of CGI while the famous actor took up a career in politics. Fast forward to 2013 it would seem times are changing once again now that Arnold is out of office and wasting no time going back to his acting roots.  He's not alone either as the famed terminator will be competing against another fierce mechanized icon that holds a fan base equally as large to see who comes out on top. Will this be a glorious comeback for the aging former politician or will he linger in the shadows of Chevy's newer sleeker model.

 

The story in "The Last Stand", is an old simple formula. An unstoppable force trumping everything in its path must at one point face with a underdog in order to complete its mission. That underdog Arnold is playing this time is Ray Owen, an up-in-age sheriff protecting a quaint little town the outskirts of Arizona that borders Mexico. Once a hot shot LAPD cop, Owen now enjoys his exciting life monitoring the town's only no parking zone and protecting the elderly citizens that  reside under his jurisdiction. One morning, he receives a call from head FBI agent John Bannister (Forest Whitaker) informing him that a crazed drug lord escaped incarceration and is likely heading their way. The cartel leader is Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega) and while he embarks south east in his stolen ZR1 Corvette, he has an available army answering to his second-in-command simply named Burrell (Peter Stormare) who is doing all he can to ensure his boss crosses the Mexican border safely. If employing the retired VeeDub scientist himself doesn't make you evil I don't know what does. So with time running out, Owen and his rag tag posse of deputies prepare themselves for a fight that they from every viewpoint have no chance of winning.

I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or is Rekall putting Douglas Quaid through a Dirty Harry scenario?

 I'll tell you a little secret about "the Last Stand", it takes place in the same universe as the Transformer movies. I know this because right from the opening sequence, it becomes clear that General Motors, just like in Transformers, supplied all the main and supporting vehicles for this film. The only other time you see another make on screen is whenever Crown Vics are being shot into swiss cheese by cartel gunmen. I'd say this decision was made to take a light hearted jab at one of GMs main competitors but then I remembered when was the last time a Caprice was used on any police force? Even in a movie like this that would come off as absurd. Aside from everything taking place in the chevyverse, it can't be denied that the film suffers greatly from another problem and that's the story is a complete and utter wreck. I can go all day on how the film depicts the FBI as the most incompetent agency ever but mentioning all those details would surely spoil the movie. Some cannot be ignored like the fact that Bannister and his fellow agents can't for the life of themselves, figure out how to stop a fiberglass sports car that is running flat out and draining it's gas tank faster than Microsoft's' popularity after revealing the new XBOX ONE.

Soldiers in the cartel are also only as good as the context of the plot allows. One moment they are capable of orchestrating impossibly flawless operations while possessing the abilities to maintain pin point accuracy in mowing down officers from moving vehicles only to become blind graduates of the storm trooper academy whenever Owen arrives on the scene.

Forest Whitaker tries to figure out where all this foolishness is heading next.

 The tone of the movie will give viewers whiplash because "The Last Stand" cannot figure out if it wants to be a balls-to-the-wall action thriller or a comedy. Where the first and second acts are heavily filled with death and turmoil, the film suddenly decides to carelessly use the safety of innocent bystanders for failed laughs. Gun blasts and explosions occur frequently and townsfolk meander through like it's just another casual walk to the thrift shop. It doesn't take a lot of effort to realize that the story can be picked apart cleaner than a off-frame restoration on a 60s Malibu if given the time to do so.

No matter how bad ass your stolen ride is, that 80s mix left playing on the stero will still make your girl laugh at you. 

 The overall acting isn't terrible but that's like showing up at a classic American car show with a Smart car and receiving a compliment on how nice the paint job looks. Arnold does a decent job when on screen for the surprisingly short amount of time he has along with Whitaker who gives his best for what little the script has to offer. Supporting cast is too large and doesn't receive nearly enough time to develop any real sense of chemistry. Frank (Rodrigo Santoro) from what I can recall gets introduced way too late in the film and his relationship with Sarah (Jaimie Alexander) just comes off as forced and contrived while Lewis Dinkum (Johnny Knoxville) could've easily been removed from the story altogether. If anything Peter Stormare deserved his name on the poster as he clearly was the shining personality in the film. His lines were funny and you could see he was really having fun with his role.

 

It turns out Escalades are well suited for deranged gunmen and is the top selling Luxury assault SUV among all criminals.

Now that I finished stating all the negative aspects of the film there is one thing the film does get right and that's the action scenes. Everything focusing on Cortez and his fleeing ZR1 is an intense roller coaster ride that I could never get enough of. It's the closest thing to "Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit", getting its own movie as of yet. It successfully gives off the illusion of being thrown into your seat when a thousand horses roar across vacant roads in the Arizona desert. Plus the stunt work was excellent and gun fights were well choreographed making these elements the movie's saving grace.

 

It may have lacked story but the latest Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit installment looks amazing.

In the end "The Last Stand" is like having a traction control button in late model car, just plain dumb fun. If you shut your brain off, you'll have a fast satisfying rush but once you turn it back on you'll realize just how stupid all that was and laugh it off. It's a decent start for Arnolds comeback but it's not the memorable crowd pleaser he was hoping it to be. Also let's face it if the FBI really wanted to stop a drug cartel leader in a speeding car they could've just called Dominic Toretto and his crew. It's not like they never dealt with that situation before.

 

Ryan Pierce

 

 

Rating 3 out of 5